Byond account and character name: cafaling/Cheri Rifler
Discord ID: Balding Steven#1548
Banning admin: Demicus Maximus
Ban type: Discord and Server
Ban reason given: Continued failure to comply with global rules 5 and 6, regarding constantly causing trouble, a disregard for other players, and continuing to bring private/IC matters into public. This most recent incident appearing to be an attempt to get another player in trouble with the admins for their actions, rather than deal with the consequences of playing the game in an excessively antagonistic fashion. Furthermore, they were caught lying to the admin staff in a public rant on the main Discord channel. Additionally, this incident comes mere days after being banned for meta-grudging, indicating that they do not intend to change this behavior.
Ban length: Permanent
Approximate time ban was placed: June 1st, 2019 - 2 AM EST
Previous appeal: Posted on June 20th, 2019
Your side of the story:
I stand by my description of the specific event that I mention in the first appeal, and how my own hotheadedness led to foolish actions in the discord. Rather than reiterate that, I'll cover something a bit more big picture.
Believe it or not, I, and Cheri, am not always snarky and snide, but oftentimes it may appear that way even though I've toned it way back. Before, and during my ban, I spent time talking with people about the appeal of RPing with me, what they dislike, what they would prefer to change. Some people didn't really give me anything solid, and that got frustrating. I have all these admins telling me that I'm a problem, but when I ask people who I've interacted with extensively, they seem almost reluctant to say anything.
However, I did get some stuff. Without giving names, (and if these people feel comfortable outing themselves on their own, then I'd love to have community input opened up for them to do so) one of the more common responses was that part of Cheri's appeal was the contrast of a harder, unfriendly public face, to a much more friendly, happier private presentation. It's exactly what I was really aiming for, and to know that at least some people appreciated that goal, that it was in fact realized, made me happy.
Obviously it wasn't all so positive. A couple people told me, on many occasions before the ban, that they hated how confrontational I was with Sec. I did my best to tone that back, and by the time the ban came about I was really more of a boogeyman for Sec. I didn't really get arrested, but they all expected trouble from me. I know the events I went over in my last appeal did have to do with a run-in with Sec, but otherwise that was really it for solid months.
One person actually admitted they LIKED that Cheri was 'an asshole' but, you know, that's just one person. In all the feedback, though, and I lost count of the people I asked, anyone I could properly get in contact with that I could think of dealt with Cheri pretty regularly. In all that, I never had anyone who outright HATED her. I know who does hate her, but other than them, there was no one I spoke with who surprised me by saying, 'You're fucking awful and I'm happy you're gone.' Contrary to that I actually had people reach out on their own and check to see if everything was alright, and they even seemed upset that I had been banned. Some of these folks I hadn't even properly met.
Following my first appeal, and the hard no I got, I tried to reach out to Ace specifically and try to understand why he said what he did, why he called it disingenuous, and what made him think that. The friend request that would let me send him messages is still sitting in my pending list. I asked other admins like Resh, Catblaster, I think Slingblade, and maybe also Dragor, what I could do, how I should improve, generally got similar responses. I think I've sought out Resh's input the most while I was actually on the server and his input to me has always been that I was getting better. I didn't really have reason to doubt him, and I mentioned the ban came as a surprise, and I had been talking to him at the time.
I still don't know what Ace meant by 'my sense of humour' and how I was disingenuous. I'd have liked to find that out so I could address it here as well. My best assumption is that maybe he thinks I find shitting on IC authority funny, but that's not really the case. Maybe he thought my entire appeal was bullshit, and I was playing stupid to absolve myself of guilt, but that doesn't make sense, since I was admitting to the fact that I fucked up. I can't read his mind, he can't read mine.
Why you think you should be unbanned:
If nothing else, I'd like to demonstrate that I have the capacity to not be toxic/problematic/a shitter and that I have improved. The big issue with text is it can't convey tone, or any of the subtleties of proper, direct interaction. Those missing aspects make it hard enough to spot when people get annoyed at me, but it's made worse by the fact that so often, especially with Virgo, people seem almost afraid of speaking openly about their issues with someone. This isn't an excuse, or me trying to wiggle out of fuck-ups. It's an invitation for people who have an issue with me to contact me, privately or in public, and talk these things through. I cannot improve if I don't know there's a problem.
That said, I've no illusions that some people just won't mesh with me. I'm not gonna actively seek them out, because that just ends up coming back to bite me, but the environment of Virgo means that some interaction is inevitable. It doesn't make sense for me to just pretend they don't exist, and it's detrimental to the setting if you've got a situation, say, involving two Engineers, and they refuse to acknowledge the other's existence. I can seek to minimize interaction, but I can't stop everything.
Quite honestly, I don't even know if I'll start playing Virgo immediately if the ban is lifted, but I think it's wise to appeal so that in future, if I feel inclined to do so, the door is open. Yeah, I'm not constantly doing vore, and I'm picky about ERP, but the environment, and some players on the server, have definitely grown on me. I started playing mostly just to tinker with the engine, do some idle Engie shit, and I like to think I did much more than just that, in no small part helping to teach a lot of new engineers, and make sure there's a decent rotation of knowledgeable players so that no one gets burned out on the department. There's a certain pride I feel in hopping onto a server, and seeing a roster of Engies who all know what they're doing because you taught them.
I'd get someone to vouch for me, tell you guys that I've improved, but I've barely touched SS13 since the ban. I tend to get attached to one specific server, playing only there, if at all. I hope you're willing to trust me on my word alone. And because I'm gonna be dealing with players just as much as admins, should I be unbanned. I'd also like to ask that it be open for community input. I'll do my best to respond to any complaints and grievances.
Finally, plain and simple? I'm sorry. For causing headaches for players. Causing headaches for admins. For being a confrontational gremlin and deciding every little detail needed to be argued and debated. I would get so caught up in the moment and in the situation that even if it was just a fucking snarky comment, I'd decide this was the hill I needed to die on.