Mewchild wrote:Nobody seems to have come forward in the couple days since this has been open, so I suppose I'll be the first to share his thoughts.
I've mentioned in previous appeals, and I'll state again here for posterity, I'm the former head admin of Eros, a now defunct SS13 server. I've been around several servers before here, and staffed on a multitude of them. I've followed this appeal since it first went up, and I've gone through and read the previous unban appeals as well.
Honestly if I could take back the previous ones I would. I was still working through the brunt of my crap when I made the december one, and the one at the time of the ban was a panicked knee-jerk reaction in response to having awoken to find friends blocking me left and right, a discord server missing, and my attempts to reach Ace only being met with "appeal if you dare".
Mewchild wrote:I will be up front and say that I do not, and cannot support this appeal. I do not support you coming back, or being allowed back.
Yeah, in your position, I'd probably say the same. Hell, I
have done the same on less severely-caused perma bans in my own time as an admin, years ago.
Mewchild wrote:The actions that led to your original banning were sketchy at best, especially given the server's zero tolerance policy on hiding underaged users...
As far as this, I really wish I could recall who it was, but all I really remember is them being only a few months out at most from their 18th, and 18 by the time I was banned, if that matters at all.
Mewchild wrote:and then the cabal came to light. You went out of your way, as I see it, in an attempt to ruin the reputation of a senior staff member. The possibility was kicked around of doing more than ruining their reputation, but going after them outside of the game, outside of the internet, in an attempt to ruin their livelihood, to give them a criminal record.
Yeah. I'm not proud of this. Like the appeals, I really wish I could take it back. Nothing discussed here has been even remotely close to proper conduct, but I and I'm sure some I know would argue they are not normal for me. Moreover, I try to learn from my fuck-ups as much as I can, so in the majority of cases, as far as I can tell, they don't repeat.
Mewchild wrote:Yes, I cede that Aronai has forgiven you, but on the same token, they've stated they don't wish to see you back... and Aro isn't the only one who you needed to be seeking forgiveness of;
I know, I've been trying to reach people, but it's not easy when most of them don't use the forums, and have blocked me on discord. I'd like to think I've gotten a lot of traction on bridge mending with the few I can get a hold of, if not outright mended them. Always room for improvement though, especially in this situation.
Mewchild wrote:The fact that you're once more having to appeal this ban is proof enough of that fact. A large number of the community was made privy to your actions given the popularity of the original thread, a large portion of the community came to see you in a light that may or may not be deserved, and a large number of staff were surely hurt trying to mitigate the damage you caused, or attempted to cause, with your actions.
I'm appealing again because at this time, unlike in the previous two, I feel like I've got some semblance of my shit together. And yeah, I've still a few friends in the community, who periodically share stories and happenings with me, some of them on the staff. I feel like, though, the damage I've done probably won't completely heal unless I can come and make an earnest effort to mend things, in person (so to speak). I think as long as that whole fiasco is the last memory a bunch of people have of me, it won't ever truly go away.
Mewchild wrote:Trust is a fragile thing, hard to acquire, and near impossibly to repair once it is broken. I cannot speak for others, I cannot speak for staff, but I personally think that you broke the trust of an incredible number of people.
No argument here. I absolutely did do that, and thinking back on it honestly makes me feel sick, even now a year later.
Mewchild wrote:but second chances are oft a luxury, a rope to help you climb out of the hole you dug yourself into, of your own volition.
Which is exactly what I want to try to do: repair what I fucked up.