ZodiacShadow - Ban Appeal

[ZodiacShadow]

Byond account and character name: ZodiacShadow / Nehi Maximus
Discord ID (if applicable): ZodiacShadow
Banning admin: ResidentCody
Ban type (What are you banned from?): Everything
Ban reason given:

Considering your treatment of community members within DMs and voice calls, we have decided to revoke access to the server. We do not tolerate emotionally blackmailing, harassing and guilting people, especially with threats of suicide or physical self-harm.

Ban length: Permanent
Approximate date that the ban was placed (including time zone): 9AM CET, Friday the 29th of March

Your side of the story:
Oh boy, here we go. I know I'm early on the appeal, but I felt it necessary to address this. To apologize. I've been sorry for the better part of a year, now.
2023 was the worst year of my life. For a plethora of reasons. Consequently, my mental health hit bottom so hard I frequently feared I'd never recover. I was suicidal for most of the year. I latched on to people for support, and more often than not probably left them worse off for it.
One person in particular got the worst of it, as they got involved with me at the worst time possible. I knew it was bad. That I wasn't good company. They still supported me for months. Helped me through some awful moments. Distance was eventually established, but not before I managed to be the worst version of myself several times over. You know who you are. I never had the words to properly apologize, and I'm not sure they exist. I'm sorry.
When I received the ban notice, I assumed they had finally had enough of seeing me around. I assumed my presence was a trigger.
Then I was informed that the ban involved more incidents. Other people.
This changed things. Changed the scope of things. Most of the people I managed to hurt last year, I've managed to mend things with. I'm still in touch with most of them. I could only think of one particular instance where I broke off contact with someone after getting too attached to them, too fast. When I finally realized just how one-sided it was, I cut contact. I think I did it poorly. I don't have the DMs to go back and check. Sometimes, when I joined the lobby, I was convinced I saw that person leave. I should have reached out to see if I was imagining this or if I had actually made the station a worse place for them.
Even this relation was more than half a year ago.

Why you think you should be unbanned:
Much of 2023 went by in a haze of self-loathing with intermittent attempts to crawl out of the hole I was in.
2024 was slated to be - if nothing else - better. It has been. I'm a better friend. A better person, I think. I've used the lessons learned during my shit year to get things done. I have a job for the first time since quarantine. I'm medicated for ADHD. I'm attending therapy. Creating and enforcing proper boundaries with people. Learning when to step back and properly avoid my problems spilling over into the lives of others. Generally establishing and maintaining healthier habits, physically and otherwise.
Seeing gradual improvement. Not fast. But steady.
This ban hurt me a lot, not because I couldn't play a video game, but because it indicates me hurting someone in a way I honestly thought I'd stopped doing.
I cling on the hope that this is - at the very least - a delayed response to something I did last year.
If not, I'd want to know where I messed up so I can grow from this. So I can at least try to make amends if such efforts would be accepted.
I'm not expecting this appeal to be accepted. It's only been a couple of days, and it's not like I can give any tangible proof of my improvement. I understand that. I'll keep working on myself, regardless.

[RomanaTColgate]

Hello. I'm the 'know who you are'. The request to ban was brought on at the behest of a third party, though obviously as an admin with direct experience with you, I provided my personal experience with you. Since this was the bulk of relevant evidence the admin team had, I assume that evidence is what primarily convinced a large section of staff to agree on the ban. I don't exactly appreciate this appeal being used as a method to apologize to me - I blocked you after the encounter on my birthday for a reason - but a successful ban appeal will probably involve addressing your conduct with me in some capacity. This is just speculation on what might convince staff at large though. As this is QC you'll require more than just the approval of the banning admin.

Regardless of reasoning, I'm too involved to make any judgements. As with the QC vote itself, I will necessarily abstain.

[Hazelbailey]

I understand that 2023 was a rough time for you and I 100% understand that you weren't in a good state of mind. That being said, I saw the screenshots of some of the things that were said, and as someone that used to be on the receiving end of similar treatment, and in a similar headspace, without making the threats of suicide towards others, I can safely say how awful said treatment feels and how deeply inexcusable it is.

Also, I do not like how this appeal reads like it was intended to get in a last word more than it was to actually appeal the ban itself, though it ultimately wont change my final answer on this.

As a result, I do not support this appeal at this time. Maybe in the future, when improvement can be shown over a long period of time, my answer will change. But for now, my answer remains.

[satinisle]

I'm afraid that I do not support this appeal.

The primary reason for this, and there is little that could have been said to have swayed me, is that the evidence that I have seen presents you as abusive and a danger to our other players. Whilst it is possible that you have made huge leaps in your mental health and managed to put this behaviour behind you, there is literally no way that I could know that was the case, no matter how much I hope that it is the case. I'm not going to discuss specific incidents or people involved as the nature of this ban itself is something that I feel could make them the target of abuse, should you not be being honest here. The recency of these events also means that I would need significant time to have passed before I felt comfortable supporting an appeal, and vouches from people that I could trust that you had improved and maintained that improvement over time.

The secondary reason is that I do not think that this is a particularly good appeal and reads as though it is written with specific people in mind reading it, even aside from the line where you specifically address them. If you wished to show that you understood how your actions were hurtful, using your ban appeal to reach out to one of those people that you had hurt effectively proves that you have either not understood the reasons for your ban, or are doing so despite that.

[ZodiacShadow]

I don't exactly appreciate this appeal being used as a method to apologize to me - I blocked you after the encounter on my birthday for a reason - but a successful ban appeal will probably involve addressing your conduct with me in some capacity.

I'm... honestly very sorry. I didn't know this. Up until the day of the ban, I still saw your status updates on Discord. Maybe just because we still shared a server and I was still technically on your friends list? I stopped reaching out after your birthday because you showed no interest in interaction with me, not because I couldn't. Or at least I didn't know that I couldn't. I'm sorry I wrote you into this.

The primary reason for this, and there is little that could have been said to have swayed me, is that the evidence that I have seen presents you as abusive and a danger to our other players. Whilst it is possible that you have made huge leaps in your mental health and managed to put this behaviour behind you, there is literally no way that I could know that was the case, no matter how much I hope that it is the case. I'm not going to discuss specific incidents or people involved as the nature of this ban itself is something that I feel could make them the target of abuse, should you not be being honest here. The recency of these events also means that I would need significant time to have passed before I felt comfortable supporting an appeal, and vouches from people that I could trust that you had improved and maintained that improvement over time.

I know I have been. I also know that I've invested a lot into not being that anymore. I also know I can't prove that. Save for bumping this appeal in a month or two, I honestly don't know how I can even do anything about that, short of lining up character witnesses in a way that basically makes me their responsibility. I don't want to do that.

The secondary reason is that I do not think that this is a particularly good appeal and reads as though it is written with specific people in mind reading it, even aside from the line where you specifically address them. If you wished to show that you understood how your actions were hurtful, using your ban appeal to reach out to one of those people that you had hurt effectively proves that you have either not understood the reasons for your ban, or are doing so despite that.

Despite that. Mostly because I didn't really have another point of reference aside from the one I already mentioned in my post. I don't know what triggered this, but it worries me. I don't want to be that sort of person. Not again.

Also, I do not like how this appeal reads like it was intended to get in a last word more than it was to actually appeal the ban itself, though it ultimately wont change my final answer on this.

Maybe in the future, when improvement can be shown over a long period of time, my answer will change. But for now, my answer remains.

I didn't mean for it to sound like that. All I can really do is present my side of the story, right? It doesn't change what I did, mostly because nothing can do so, but I've already improved my behavior and continue to do so. As for showing it - as I wrote above - I don't really have an opportunity for that beyond repeated appeals.


Thank you for looking it over. I hope I'll be able to come back eventually.

[bobofboblandia]

This appeal is Denied. I apologize for it taking so long to result in a negative, however that does not change the verdict. You may appeal at a later date, though I heavily suspect that it will have to been at least a year before it is considered with any seriousness given how egregious the behavior was. You have been a member of this community for quite some time, and I have no doubt that you care about it, but what you have done is something that cannot stand. Eventually you may return, but only if you get yourself together enough that the community as a whole will be safe with your inclusion once more. I have no doubt that you have this ability within you, that you can change and improve enough to come back, until then however, I wish you luck.