Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extended RP

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Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extended RP

Postby Aces » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:02 pm

Disclaimer: In case it's not obvious, the angry/condescending tone of this post is a deliberate form of comedy in an effort to make the writing memorable and fun to read while still providing good advice. If this guide rustles your jimmies, and you take this as a personal insult, which is not its intention, then I humbly suggest that you grow a pair. :-)

OKAY YOU LITTLE TURD BRAINS. APPARENTLY SOME OF YOU THINK EXTENDED IS BORING OR SOME SHIT. WELL GOOD FOR YOU, YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG! EXTENDED ROUNDS, WHICH ALSO HAPPEN TO BE THE ONLY ROUND TYPE VORESTATION PLAYS, ARE THE PERFECT ROUND TYPE FOR ROLEPLAYING BECAUSE NO ONE CAN METAGAME THAT THERE WILL BE GOD DAMN ANTAGS, WHICH MEANS ANY TIME A BAD GUY DOES SHOW UP, IT'S LEGITIMATELY UNEXPECTED! WE ALSO GET TO DO LONG TERM PLOTS! HOWEVER, I UNDERSTAND THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU ARE READING THIS GUIDE FOR. DESPITE THE APPROVAL OF YOUR MERCIFUL GOD KING ACE, HIGH LORD AND RULER OF THE GLORIOUS VORESTATION COMMUNITY, WHOSE OPINION IS ALWAYS RIGHT AND PERFECT, SOME OF YOU CONTINUE TO FRUSTRATINGLY DISAGREE. "BUT SPAAAAAAADES!" YOU SAY, "EXTENDED ROUNDS ARE SO BORIIIINNNGG! THERE'S NO CONFLICT!" LIKE THAT'S AN EXCUSE FOR YOU TO START BREAKING WINDOWS, BOMBING THINGS, PUNCHING ASSISTANTS, AND OTHERWISE BEING A LITTLE SHIT, THEN CRYING WHEN YOU GET BANNED.

SO FINE. YOU FUCKERS ASKED FOR IT. HERE'S A GUIDE TO PLAYING WHAT I LIKE TO CALL PSUDEO-ANTAGS IN VORESTATION. THIS IS A ROLE THAT, IF PLAYED CORRECTLY, DOESN'T REQUIRE ADMIN APPROVAL FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS. HOWEVER THERE IS A VERY THIN LINE BETWEEN SHENANIGANS AND FUCKING ANNOYING, SO THIS GUIDE IS ONLY RECOMMENDED FOR ADVANCED ROLEPLAYERS. IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED VORESTATION FOR AT LEAST FIVE FULL ROUNDS IN TOTAL, YOU PROBABLY AREN'T FUCKING SUITED FOR THE ROLE. THAT MEANS AT LEAST 30 HOURS OF GAMEPLAY. THIS IS NOT A REQUIREMENT, BUT A SMART RECOMMENDATION.

NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, HERE IS MY ANGRY GUIDE TO PLAYING PSUDEO-ANTAGS.

PART 1: COMING UP WITH A GIMMICK

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF ANY GOOD ANTAG, SO IT'S NOT MUCH DIFFERENT WITH A PSUDEO-ANTAG. COME UP WITH AN INTERESTING BACKSTORY THAT IS MORE COMPLEX THAN "MY CHARACTER IS A GREEDY CUNT" OR "MY CHARACTER IS A KLEPTOMANIAC" OR "MY CHARACTER IS LOL CRAZY!" BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD BACKSTORY, YOU'LL GET BANNED, YOU FUCKING NIMROD.

JUST AS IN REAL LIFE, NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORKPLACE HAS A CLEAN RECORD. THESE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE THE USUAL, BUT WE'LL GET INTO THAT LATER. FOR NOW, LET'S FOCUS ON YOUR BACKSTORY. START TAKING SOME FUCKING NOTES. THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD ASK IN ANY GOOD BACKSTORY IS, "WHY?" AND NEVER "WHY NOT?" BECAUSE ONLY THE MOST DIMWITTED DILDOS MAKE A CHARACTER FIRST, THEN COME UP WITH BULLSHIT EXCUSES AS TO WHY THEY CAN HAVE THEIR SHITTY MARY SUE CHARACTER. LET'S TRY AN EXAMPLE IN PRACTICE.

YOU WANT TO MAKE A CHARACTER WHO LIKES TO STEAL SHIT. WHY?
A: BECAUSE PEOPLE STEAL STUFF FROM WORK ALL THE TIME IN REAL LIFE. IT'S REALISTIC AND IT GIVES SECURITY SOMETHING TO DO.
B: BECAUSE THE CHARACTER IS ATTEMPTING TO SMUGGLE THESE GOODS OFF THE STATION AT THE END OF THE SHIFT TO SELL THEM PLANETSIDE, BECAUSE NANOTRASEN DOESN'T PAY HIM ENOUGH, AND HE HAS LONG STANDING GRUDGES AGAINST THE COMPANY AFTER BEING SCREWED OVER FOR A MAJOR PROMOTION SIX YEARS AGO BY A NEPOTIST BOSS WHO HIRED HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW WHO CLEARLY WASN'T QUALIFIED FOR THE JOB.

IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS, BUT IF YOU PICKED 'A', CONGRATULATIONS NUMBNUTS, YOU'RE PICKED THE WRONG FUCKING ANSWER. THE 'A' CHOICE IS JUST A DISGUISED VERSION OF "WHY NOT?" WHICH IS NOT OKAY. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE 'B' OPTION OFFERS THE BEGINNING OF AN ELABORATE STORYLINE. OF COURSE, IT SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO THE SAME QUESTIONS. WHY WAS THE CHARACTER DENIED HIS JOB AT NANOTRASEN? HE HAS ANGER ISSUES. WHY DOES HE HAVE ANGER ISSUES? BECAUSE HIS DADDY DIDN'T LOVE HIM. WHY DIDN'T HIS DADDY LOVE HIM? HE WAS A WHINEY LITTLE SHIT WHEN HE WAS YOUNG. WHY WAS HE A WHINEY LITTLE SHIT? AND SO ON AND SO ON. WHILE YOU DO NOT NECESSARILY HAVE TO ANSWER LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE QUESTION OF WHY, THE CHARACTER USUALLY BECOMES MORE INTERESTING THE DEEPER YOU GO INTO THE WAY THEIR MIND WORKS. UNLIKE YOU, CHARACTERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MEMORABLE AND INTERESTING, AND IT SHOULD BE POSSIBLE TO UNRAVEL THE DEEP INTRICACIES BEHIND THEIR MOTIVES.

ONCE YOU HAVE YOUR BACKSTORY, YOU SHOULD HAVE A GOOD IDEA OF WHAT YOUR GIMMICK WILL BE. MAYBE YOUR CHARACTER FEELS SCREWED BY THE COMPANY. MAYBE THEY ARE STRUGGLING WITH LONG TERM ISSUES THAT HAVE PLAGUED THEM SINCE CHILDHOOD. MAYBE THEY'RE JUST A LITTLE SHIT WHO LIKES TO PULL PRANKS ON HIS CO-WORKERS. GET CREATIVE. IF SOMEONE IS ALREADY DOING YOUR GIMMICK, COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE, YOU UNORIGINAL SKIDMARK.

OH YEA, AND INCLUDE SOME OF THAT BACKSTORY IN THEIR SECURITY RECORDS. A PROPER CRIMINAL CHARACTER HAS PROBABLY HAD RUN-INS WITH THE LAW BEFORE. GIVE SECURITY A SPORTING CHANCE TO STOP YOU.

PART 2: DEFINING YOUR LIMITS

EVEN THE JOKER HAS LIMITS TO THE THINGS HE'LL DO. SINCE YOU ARE NOT A TRUE ANTAG, YOU WANT TO AVOID DOING SHIT THAT MIGHT MAKE YOUR CO-WORKERS HATE YOU, GET YOU FIRED, PUT IN JAIL, OR STRAIGHT UP MURDERED. ERGO, ACTIONS LIKE MAJOR HEISTS, ASSAULT AND BATTERY, PRANKS THAT AREN'T ACTUALLY FUNNY, RAPE, CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY, ANIMAL ABUSE, RESISTING ARREST, HARD CORE DRUG DEALING, AND OTHER DEPLORABLE FUCKERY SHOULD GENERALLY BE AVOIDED. YOU'D THINK THIS TO BE OBVIOUS, BUT YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW MANY EDGELORD PSYCHOTARDS WE HAVE TO BAN ON A DAILY BASIS. WHEN DOING CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, ASK YOURSELF, FOR STARTERS, WOULD A PERSON OF SOUND MIND DO SUCH A THING? "BUT SPAAAAADES, I'M PLAYING A CRIMINAL! I DON'T HAVE A SOUND MIND!" SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION, FUCKBRAIN! EVEN CRIMINALS HAVE A SENSE OF RISK VERSES REWARD. SOME OF THEM EVEN HAVE THEIR OWN IDEALS AND MORALS. IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING AGAINST THE LAW, OR AT LEAST AGAINST WHAT SOCIETY DEEMS ACCEPTABLE, YOU HAD BETTER HAVE A WELL THOUGHT OUT PLAN AS TO HOW YOU INTEND TO GET AWAY WITH WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND WHY YOU'RE DOING IT.

TAKE THE ROLE OF A SMUGGLER FOR EXAMPLE. YOU WORK IN CARGO. YOU AND A FEW MINERS HAVE GOTTEN TOGETHER TO SELL MATERIALS LIKE PHORON AND PLATINUM IN EXCHANGE FOR CARGO POINTS THAT CAN BE USED TO BUY CONTRABAND. AN EMAG IS A VERY VALUABLE PIECE OF EQUIPMENT FOR SOME OF THE STATION'S MORE RAVENOUS PREDATORS, BECAUSE IT CAN BREAK INTO ALMOST ANY ELECTRONIC, ALLOWING THEM FREE REIGN TO HUNT. YOU SHOULD ATTEMPT TO ARRANGE A SALE OF THIS EMAG AS SOON AS YOU CAN, AND SPLIT THE EARNINGS AMONG YOUR FELLOW PARTNERS IN CRIME. YOU MAY EVEN HAVE TO BRIBE SOME STAFF TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY. IN THIS MANNER, THE SMUGGLER HAS BOTH PROVIDED SECURITY WITH SOMETHING TO DO BY MEANS OF INVESTIGATING THE SOURCE OF ALL THIS CONTRABAND, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME NOT BEING A DISRUPTIVE JAGOFF TO EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SERVER. MEANWHILE, YOU PLAY YOUR GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE, HIDING CONTRABAND YOU'VE STASHED FOR LATER SALE. IF THE SHIFT ENDS BEFORE YOU CAN SELL EVERYTHING, A GOOD SMUGGLER SHOULD ATTEMPT TO BRING HIS GOODS HOME TO SELL ON THE BLACK MARKET. PERSONALLY, I ENJOY GETTING AN EMAG AND OPENING LOTS OF WEAPON CRATES, THEN SMUGGLING THEM ALL HOME IN A BAG OF HOLDING I CONVINCED THE SCIENCE DEPARTMENT TO GIVE TO ME.

AS FOR PRANKS, DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT LEAVES ANY LONG TERM DAMAGE. DON'T BE LIKE THOSE SOCIOPATHIC RIMJOBS ON YOUTUBE WHO PISS PEOPLE OFF FOR LAUGHS, AND THEN GO "IT'S JUST A PRANK, BRO!" WHEN THE OFFENDED PARTY TRIES TO CURBSTOMP THEIR FUCKING SKULL IN.

PART 3: GETTING CAUGHT

IF YOU DO GET CAUGHT, SURRENDER TO THE CONSEQUENCES, AND SERVE YOUR TIME IN JAIL LIKE AN ADULT. DON'T BITCH TO THE ADMINS OR IN OOC ABOUT HOW SECURITY ISN'T FOLLOWING COMPANY POLICY TO THE LETTER, YOU WHINEY LITTLE FUCKTRUMPET. FURTHERMORE, BECAUSE YOU GOT CAUGHT, SPEND SOME TIME LAYING LOW. YOU SHOULD NOT IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO BEING A NUISANCE, BECAUSE IT VERY QUICKLY GETS OLD, AND THAT'S USUALLY WHEN YOU GET BANNED. PLAY ANOTHER CHARACTER DURING THE NEXT SHIFT.

"BUT SPAAAADES, WHAT IF I ONLY HAVE THE ONE CHARACTER? I'M NOT CREATIVE ENOUGH TO COME UP WITH ANOTHER!" FUCK OFF. IF YOU SERIOUSLY CAN'T PLAY ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR SHITTY SELF-INSERT, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE TRYING TO LIVE OUT YOUR AMORAL FANTASIES WITHOUT RETRIBUTION AS SOME KIND OF FICTIONAL SPACE BANDITO. FURTHERMORE, YOU SHOULD ONLY HAVE ONE, MAYBE TWO CHARACTERS, WHO FIT THE ROLE OF A PSUDEO-ANTAG. YOU SHOULD NOT BE PLAYING THEM EVERY DAY ON EVERY SHIFT.

IF YOU ARE FOLLOWING THE ABOVE STEPS, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING ANYTHING THAT WOULD REQUIRE YOU TO ESCAPE THE LONG ARM OF THE LAW. BEING PUT IN JAIL SHOULD BE JUST AN INCONVENIENCE THAT SOMETIMES HAPPENS IN THIS LINE OF WORK.

AND ONE LAST THING: IF YOU ACCUSE THE ADMINS OF ABUSING POWERS OR METAGAMING TO CATCH YOU, I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT YOUR FUCK SPINE THROUGH YOUR OWN ANUS AND BEAT SOME SENSE INTO YOU. USING ADMIN POWERS TO FIND THE BAD GUY IS LIKE BEATING THE WORLD'S HARDEST VIDEO GAME WITH CHEAT CODES TURNED ON. THERE'S NOTHING TO FUCKING BRAG ABOUT, SO IT'S ONLY FUN FOR A TEN YEAR OLD SNOT NOSED CROTCH-SPAWN. IF WE DO CHOOSE TO USE OUR POWER AS ADMINS TO RUIN YOUR DAY, YOU WILL INVARIABLY BE AWARE OF THIS IN ADVANCE, BECAUSE WE WILL HAVE NO DOUBT ALREADY SENT YOU A STERN BUT PROFESSIONAL MESSAGE ABOUT WHAT A FUCKING OBNOXIOUS CUCK YOU ARE.

PART 4: DEALING WITH SHITCURITY!

"SPAAAAADES, ALL I DID WAS STEAL SOME PENS, AND SHITCURITY THREW ME IN PRISON AND BROKE MY ARMS FOR IT! WHAT DO I DO?!"

FIRST WE MUST DETERMINE; ARE YOU BEING A SPECIAL KIND OF DICKBEATING UNCLEFUCKER WHO HAS BEEN PISSING OFF THESE SECURITY OFFICERS FOR THE PAST SEVERAL SHIFTS WITH FAR MORE EXTREME CRIMES? AT THE VERY LEAST, HAVE YOU BEEN STEALING PENS EVERY SINGLE SHIFT OR OTHERWISE BEING A CONSTANT NUISANCE? IF SO, FUCK OFF. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET FED UP WITH YOUR SHIT EVENTUALLY. USUALLY, SHITCURITY IS A GOOD SIGN THAT YOUR SHENANIGANS HAVE GONE TOO FAR. YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO FOLLOW THE LAW, SO WHY SHOULD THEY? IF THIS HAPPENS OFTEN, YOU ARE PROBABLY AT FAULT, AND NOT SHITCURITY. ALTHOUGH SHITCURITY MIGHT STILL GET PUNISHED IN-CHARACTER, THE ADMINS WON'T GIVE A FUCK OUT-OF-CHARACTER IF YOUR CHARACTER LIKES BEING A URINE-DRIPPING MANBABY.

"BUT SPAAAAADES!! I REALLY REALLY MEAN IT!! I DIDN'T DO NUTHIN TO DESERVE THIS! I SWEAR ON MY MOMMA'S LIFE!"

THEN CALL A FUCKING ADMIN, EINSTEIN. IF SECURITY CAN'T PROVIDE A GOOD REASON FOR BEING A SHIT, THEY WILL GET BANNED.

PART 5: FINAL WORDS

THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF EVERY HALF-DECENT COMMUNITY IS DON'T HAVE FUN PURELY AT SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPENSE. IF AT ANY POINT IN ROLEPLAYING, YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING THAT, IN REAL LIFE, WOULD MAKE YOU INCLINED TO BE KICKED IN THE DICK, THEN YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T FUCKING DO IT. THAT SAID, A WORLD OF FICTION ISN'T AS INTERESTING WITHOUT SOME AMOUNT OF CONFLICT. THIS IS VORESTATION. ANY TIME YOUR FUCKERY CAN INVOLVE VORE, DO SO. PLAY A CORRUPT SECURITY OFFICER WHO LIKES TO TRAP CRIMINALS IN THEIR GUT. DISPOSE OF WITNESSES BY SWALLOWING THEM ALIVE. CARRY FRIENDS INSIDE YOUR BELLY WITH ALL THE CONTRABAND YOU SCORED, SO NO ONE THINKS TO CHECK YOU WHEN YOU WALK ONTO THE DEPARTURE SHUTTLE AFTER A LONG SHIFT OF STEALING AND SMUGGLING. PRODUCE DRUGS THAT CAN BE USED TO INCAPACITATE POTENTIAL PREY. SPACE LUBE THE FLOORS AND WAIT AT THE END OF THE HALL WITH AN OPEN JAW. YOU GET THE FUCKING IDEA.

NOW GO OUT AND MAKE OLD SPADES PROUD. IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, YOU MIGHT EVEN GET PRAISED FOR YOUR GOOD ROLEPLAYING. ABOVE ALL HOWEVER, IF SOMEONE SAYS YOU'RE OVER DOING IT, YOU PROBABLY FUCKING ARE, SO EASE OFF BEING A SHITSTICK, AND DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY, OR THIS WHOLE COMMUNITY WILL TURN INTO NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF SALTY FURFAGS CRYING OVER A POORLY CODED BYOND GAME.
Last edited by Aces on Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:15 am, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Amended Part 3
“A leader is one who, out of madness or goodness, volunteers to take upon himself the woe of the people. There are few men so foolish, hence the erratic quality of leadership.”
― John Updike
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Re: Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extende

Postby Schlippy » Sat Oct 01, 2016 10:06 pm

Part 6: Thanking Ace

Don't forget to thank our wonderful admin for doing the rant we all desperately needed. If it wasn't for his sanity, and a boat load of people who actually care about this server beyond any normal SS13 server, we would still have annoying fukwads doing the retarded shit that this post hopes to correct into... less retarted people of fuckery? I'm not sure, but hopefully we can have some interesting fake-antags come out of this lose of sanity. O3O
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Re: Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extende

Postby Lobo-Branco » Mon Oct 03, 2016 12:56 pm

Also, to avoid the whole calling admins for help and all... How about people talk in LOOC too? Just so the criminal can know when they are over their boundaries or vice-versa.


"LOOC Criminal: Oh, you are being rather harsh here, I don't happen to be a true annoyance, do I?"
or
"LOOC Security: Hey there, would you please stop drawing with crayons all over the station? I'm trying to RP with my mate that is waiting for me at my office."
Daniel Barrett

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Re: Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extende

Postby Aces » Mon Oct 03, 2016 2:20 pm

That seems reasonable.
“A leader is one who, out of madness or goodness, volunteers to take upon himself the woe of the people. There are few men so foolish, hence the erratic quality of leadership.”
― John Updike
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Re: Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extende

Postby rikaru19 » Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:10 am

Thank FUCK this exists. Now I know that Iris' minor 'i'm gonna do contraband things in cargo' stuff isn't gonna get me the ding dong bannu and it even gives a bit of a thing for Sec to do if they catch on. Plus I get to dick around with a few firearms without anyone getting hurt! :D
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Re: Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extende

Postby Turreus » Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:02 am

Well, certainly an interesting idea you have here, guess there's no choice but to wait and see how it plays out.

For the sake of completing this guide, I have a couple of questions that would be nice to have answered:

[*] I can't seem to see anywhere in this guide of the preceding announcement on how to actually show up as a pirate; are we just meant to show on up station and ahelp with our objectives in tow?

[*] Obviously stealing pens is too trivial and a proper heist is too big a deal, but what all in the acceptable range of objectives? Could we have a little list of samples that we could use a diving board so we have a good idea of how reasonable our own ideas are? what sort of objectives would you like to see antagonists attempt?

[*] What's the stance on assassination objectives? would death ever truly matter in a setting where seemingly permanent injuries can just be resleeved out of existence?

[*] Why are they called pseudo antagonists? If they're an opposing force to the station that functions as the primary source of trouble in a round, aren't they just antagonist roles?
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Re: Ace's Angry Guide to playing PsudeoAntags during Extende

Postby Aces » Sat Sep 08, 2018 5:00 am

This guide is for all Psudeo Antags, not just pirates, so it doesn't cover specifically pirates. Since you start as a Psudeo Antag, yes, you do just show up on station and ahelp for objectives. Once you have objectives, you become a full and proper antag, but you're allowed (and actually desired) to play the character normally outside of the objectives still.

As for acceptable objectives, there is no limit to what you can think of. The challenge is giving an admin a compelling reason why that objective should be completed. Get creative. Get daring. I have no hard limits on what I'll accept at this time, it's just a matter of if it's already been done or not.

Assassination objectives are fine. However, you're correct that death doesn't exactly stick.

As for the terminology, I created the term Psudeo Antags because it represents a character who, without any antag objectives, still plays as an antag would in some ways. However, they do not cross the line into being a full and proper antag; they're just a character who frequently creates trouble for security. The difference between Psudeo Antags and behavior that would get you banned for antagging without objectives is that a Psudeo Antag is actually fun and interesting to play with, even for Security. A Psudeo Antag will steal shit and do other criminal activity even when there's no set objectives to do so. That's what makes them Psudeo.
“A leader is one who, out of madness or goodness, volunteers to take upon himself the woe of the people. There are few men so foolish, hence the erratic quality of leadership.”
― John Updike
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